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“You cannot have a relationship to anyone or anything else that is beyond the relationship you have to yourself.” —Gestalt Therapy (via resonantfrequencies)

One way to begin thinking about polyamory is by recognizing that all relationships are polyamorous relationships, because you have to include the relationship each person has with themselves. So just one monogamous relationship actually has three relationships that need to be cared for and nurtured. Some people need alone time while others simply need time apart in order to really cherish the time together, and partners should to discuss their personal needs to strengthen the relationship.

For example, how comfortable would you feel coming home and hearing your partner shout from the bathroom, ‘hold on honey, I’m masturbating! I’ll be out in a few minutes…’? Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy point out in the Ethical Slut that in almost all sexually successful relationships, both partners masturbate outside of the relationship. If you are not comfortable with yourself, your own body and your own sexuality, you cannot expect to be comfortable with another person.

I often wonder how the deeply personal experience of meditation helps with interpersonal relationships. Lately I have found it to be absolutely essential. If we judge ourselves, we will judge others. On the other hand if we love ourselves, if we see the divine light within and set our intention from that place, it will show immediately in our loving relationships. Meditation allows us to get in touch with our own feelings (see the comic above) and opens our hearts so we can freely express our emotions.

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