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Women know that femininity is both punished and rewarded. We also know that acting more ‘masculine’ — being openly ambitious in the workplace, or ‘pushy’ or ‘brusque,’ or speaking directly — can carry both risk and reward. A few weeks ago, in response to an Atlantic cover story about how the “confidence gap” is holding women back in the workplaces, Jessica Valenti at The Guardian suggested that women refrain from negotiating salaries and asking for raises and promotions because they know it can have negative consequences. It’s not a ‘confidence gap’ that holds us back — or at least, it’s not only that — it’s an accurate reading of the reality. We know we’re supposed to ‘lean in,’ but we also know that doing so can have negative consequences, because leaning in isn’t feminine. Asking a direct question or speaking in a low voice isn’t feminine. Making declarative statements with no friendly, deferential, self-doubting question mark at the end, isn’t feminine. We know that in order to achieve what we want, we sometimes have to expend extra energy making sure that people aren’t uncomfortable with how we talk or dress or behave. We have to collude with the expectation that we should be feminine. But we will also be punished for that femininity. This is the impossibly fine lose-lose line we toe, and though women are, historically speaking, quite new to the workplace, we have been toeing this line for centuries.

What’s Actually Holding You Back In the Office (Hint: It’s Not Your Feminine Voice)

i appreciate most of this piece—and overall, the point is an important one. i do, however, think it’s important to note that

  • this also affects people who may not ID as women but are perceived/forcibly assigned as such. femininity/masculinity is not a neat binary
  • trans women face an entirely different set of damn near insurmountable barriers in the office as it pertains to navigating “acceptable” femininity
  • black women are by no means “quite new to the workplace”

(via ethiopienne)

The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love. It may look paradoxical to you, but it’s not. It is an existential truth: only those people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core of another person—without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other, without reducing the other to a thing, and without becoming addicted to the other. They allow the other absolute freedom, because they know that if the other leaves, they will be as happy as they are now. Their happiness cannot be taken by the other, because it is not given by the other.
Osho (via psych-facts)




I want to let people know about this app, especially for those people who suffer from social anxiety where telephone communications might be triggering or uncomfortable.

It’s called “TalkTo” and is available for iOs devices for FREE here and is also available in Google Play for Android devices! Essentially, it allows you to ask businesses questions by sending a text message instead of calling. For businesses that aren’t set up to answer a text message or an email (it will try to send it either way) a TalkTo agent will make the call FOR you, and then will text you back with the company’s response.

I have used this app to make reservations, check for stock, check store hours, and more. Certain businesses will have a higher response time than others but if you ask ahead of time then you won’t have a problem. I sent a restaurant a question this afternoon (see picture) and i had a response within 15 minutes. 

Give it a try!


This is the best thing evar!

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